I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
