you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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