yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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