I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
