shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
