This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
