I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
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I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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