But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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