Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
