Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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