New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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