Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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