can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
