it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
