New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
