I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
