We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
