ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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