your parents love me but you hate me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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