Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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