I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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