I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
