It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize