You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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