its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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