you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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