Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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