It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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