yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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