census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
