I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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