He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
