you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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