i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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