we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sober January is a disaster.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's like iHOP with fire
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
