This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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