Sponge bath it is.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
