I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
