no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
