I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
