but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
