Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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