We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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