giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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