at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
