A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
