you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
