i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
