Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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