He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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