i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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