did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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