porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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