Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
