I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
