we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
