So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
