if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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