Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
