Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
