I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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