HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
