i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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