my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
