You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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