can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
