You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my sisters under your porch take her home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
