He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
