she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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